I am going to Philadellphia next week, solo. This will be the first trip I take by myself since I have been married. It has been three years. Erik is taking a few days off to watch the gals, and his parents are coming to help him out. For 4 days it is just me. Sad to say, but I am kinda nervous. I am not scared that Erik will not do a great job. I know he will do fine. Maya and Amara will miss me, but the world will not stop. I just feel...weird, like on some level leaving them is not natural. The idea of being free gives me guilt, as if the idea of being alone has me let go of some kind of burden. Going away for a bit is good for me. Plus, it will be nice seeing friends and catching up. I just feel so different. I mean I am still Danna, my eyes are slightly more crinkly and my hair has some white spots, but underneath my new ass it is the same old me, but somehow it isn't. It is Danna, Erik, Maya and Amara. Danna, plus.
I wonder if I am the mom who talks about my kids all the time. If, because I stay at home, I have become boring. The girls and Erik are the center of my universe, aside from myself of course. I cook, write on this thing, read, eat out when I can, and take care of people, in fact I love taking care of people. I am good at it. Before having kids I was so judgemental (who the hell am I kidding...still am, kinda). I never thought I would be the one who'd stay at home with my kids. Erik and I discussed being home for a year, now it will be two. I enjoy being home with the girls. Today we went to the park. When we got home the girls were exhausted, so the three of us just laid on the floor. Amara was across my chest, in the crook of my arm, and Maya sprawled out on my belly. The three of us just watched the fan curled up, snuggling. Peaceful. My little heavens. So...I guess I am that mom.
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