Monday, September 21, 2009

Hello again

Life is running smoothly, once again. Now, I am a psychotherapist in training. It usually takes me about a month to get used to a new job (or at least the school year...even though now I am not teaching). The girls are adjusted (more like I am adjusted). Actually, I love what I am doing. It is exciting, rewarding work, though emotionally draining sometimes. When a child hugs me because I helped her in some way...there is nothing like it. Also, Lyle, my boss, is great. Working for someone where I can truly be myself and say how I feel. It is refreshing. We have a great relationship. Since I am working for a psychologist and also being supervised there is a lot of talk about feelings, intentions, and motivation behind action...I LOVE IT, though it is hard at times to look at myself so critically. Growth is something I thrive on, even if sometimes the growth hurts a bit. Looking at oneself is definitely not always so easy. In order to give therapy I am required to analyze my actions. It is important to see what is behind what I say, how I feel in session, and what motivates where I go with clients. Sometimes, they may do something that brings up crap within me. I have to know myself enough to see beyond all the bol shit going through my own mind, so I can truly help the client go through...well their own shit really. In fact many a time I sat down to write on my blog, but what I had to say was so personal, so near to my heart, and perhaps also hurtful to others. I just could not write it. It felt like too much.
There was lots of amazing food to write about like the mint chocolate chip cookie sandwiches I made Erik for his birthday, my kickass apple cream-cheese cake that I made for Rosh Hashanah, or the pomodoro I made tonight, slow roasted tomatos roasted in the oven for three years (heaven surely has garlicky, bright red tomatos flecked with fresh basil), but in light of all the deep thinking, it felt like writing about food would just be an easy way out, and unfortunately I am not one to take that route. I rather sweat it out, or avoid whatever is looming over me all together. Anyhow, I am back.