Boob feeding

Four days ago I finished breast feeding Maya and Amara. I thought when I'd be done it would be a relief, but I am actually kind of sad. Breast feeding was beautiful. It gave me a whole new perspective on life. Being a woman and being able to provide for one's children on that level...there is nothing else like it. Literally, I gave the girls my self. Woman who do it are rock stars.
Initially breast feeding was not easy. In fact, breast feeding the girls was one of the hardest things I have ever done (aside from birthing them). Women do not usually talk about how hard breast feeding is at first. Many women cannot handle it. Breast feeding, plus new babies mixed with a huge jolt of hormones is just too much. I was determined to feed them. Nothing was going to stop me, not burning nipples, blisters, leakage ALL over the house, or the occasional clogged duct.
The first few months were incredibly difficult. In the middle of the night my breasts would start burning horribly. The only thing that would help relieve the pain was hot water. I showered twice a day with the hottest water my body would allow pounding on my poor, sore boobies. It felt like they were almost frost-bitten, but instead of fingers and toes it was mammary glands. Before I fed the girls I would put my boobs in a measuring cup of hot water and stand by the kitchen window into my neighbors horribly ugly backyard. I did this 6 or more times in a 24 hour period. Around this time the blisters on my nipples started. I had to make twice the amount of milk, so my boobs were incredibly full (I mean bigger than Dolly Parton...not sexy at all REALLY, plus Erik could not touch them because of the PAIN, so fellas get that idea out of your head...it was not AWESOME). There was no relief to the blisters because the girls were constantly sucking on where they were. As I fed them I would scream out in pain and cry. It felt like torture. Most people would have stopped feeding their children at this point. I kept on going. We bought heating pads. I used those heat packets and walked around with them in my bra all day (because the burning thing started to occur during the day too). When my boob would get clogged I learned another type of pain. Clogged boob is when the milk cannot come out, it gets stuck, and it is not comfortable. I would have to vigourously massage the boob as the girls would suck the milk out. When my boob unclogged milk would spew out of me like a gyser.
At about 4 months it got better, but it took that long. The girls became better feeders. It got to the point where I could just lay down. They would crawl up, nuzzle in to me and feed. All that crap I went through was totally worth those moments when the three of us would cuddle together as they fed. It was heaven. The most natural thing in the world happening since humankind began. It got so much easier. I am so glad that I trudged through all that bad stuff because in the end it was wonderful, that connection...unexplainable. I am proud to. Pretty cool. I will miss it.