How I fell in to teaching

"D" is for disappointment, "D" is for Danna. My father said this to me when I was in high school about my report card. I am not sure what the subject was, but I do not think it really mattered. It was said, and I took it to heart. The worst thing for me to be was a disappointment to my father. All I ever wanted to do was please him. Throughout my life I have struggled with this. I did not want to be a failure, so instead I became a perfectionist, with an extra dose of pressure. I am that person who is (usually) early, by about 10 minutes. In my classes in grad school I had to be the best student. I am proud to say that I had one B (and was pissed about it, since it screwed up my GPA). Disappointment I would not be.

Dad wanted me to be a lawyer. "Gordon and Gordon" the door would read. It would be the two of us, working together. It was ingrained in me. If I was a lawyer it would just about make my father's life. Throughout high school and college I assumed my father's dream as my own, realizing one day that I'd be miserable if I became a lawyer.

I had an epiphany while getting professor recommendations for law school. While I spoke to my law professor I realized that my heart was not in law. Actually while studying for the LSAT I became withdrawn, my roomate and good friend Georgia, asked me one day, "Where are you?" . At the time I had no idea.

I tool a walk and decieded to figure it out. During my walk I found myself sitting at the bus stop. I did not plan on taking the bus. I wondered where all the people were going. What their lives were like. What mine would be.

While I was dating the enigmatic, actor dude (who I am convinced now was probably excruciatingly gay) I met a guy who taught Bible school and worked with troubled youth (I think, life back then was kinda hazy). Coincidentally he was sitting next to me at the bus stop. He had a kid textbook based on the Bible with him. I told him how I was trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with my life. He opened the text up. The page talked about how it does not matter how much money you have, what mattered was how you impact people. What mattered was love. A light dawned on me. I was not living my dream. What I needed was change.

I truly believe that the universe sends us signs. We just have to be aware enough to read them. I got up from the bench and went to talk to the English Department about teacher certification. After the English Department, I went to the loan office.

I realized that becoming a lawyer was not my dream. My dream was to help people. My dream was to write. My dream was to fall in love. Oh, how I wanted to fall in love, so much so, that sometimes my dream would get muddled and confuse me in to thinking perhaps that "this guy was the one". We live, and we learn.

I wanted, so badly not to disappoint my father. Calling him to tell him I was not going to be a lawyer was scary. Ironically, he was fine with it (at least he seemed to be for my sake).

The other day I was leafing through a book of poetry and an old card fell out. The card read, "To the greatest teacher from your students, Mom and Dad". I do not even remember recieving the card, but perhaps I was not such a disappointment after all.